Torn Muscles

So I made it in to see the surgeon yesterday, and after much poking and prodding, she feels I may have seriously pulled and perhaps even torn my abdominal muscle around where the deep stitching is. It does not pose a risk to me other than being in pain when I move certain ways. I'm not sure what actually did it...I haven't lifted anything unnecessarily and I think I've been doing a good job following the post-op directions. But I am a pretty busy mom with a job and kids to drive around to camps, and it is nearly impossible to not use your abdominal muscles. So now I'm trying to be even more cautious. I can't pick things up off the floor, and I still can't lift anything. I can't sit up to get out of bed - I have to roll to my side first.

Other than that little spot, everything continues to improve. Eating is getting easier because I'm now able to eat solid chicken (rather than shredded), which fills me up for quickly and sticks in my stomach longer. The result is less hunger. Today I was under 600 calories without trouble. Seems crazy...but it is working. I'm also still trying to get at least an hour of walking in every day. I've stopped trying to weigh in every morning because it drives me crazy. I have been bouncing around the same numbers for almost a week though, which is typical at about 3 weeks. I've had a few people say that they noticed I was losing weight, and that feels good of course. And my clothes continue to get looser. Definitely on the way to a healthier me.

Ouch

So I've been back at work for 3 days now, and my body is telling me I'm doing too much. The deep stitch spot in my belly is reeeeally hurting.  :(  I'm calling the surgeon in the morning because it is not supposed to get worse. I think I've maybe several strained the muscle with the stitch, or possibly even ripped it or something.  In certain positions is just makes me whimper.

Other than that spot, which kinda dominates me thinking lately, I'm doing well. I find my mind is still a bit foggy...I'm certainly not intellectually productive for 8 hours a day. It feels good to be working again, but I don't welcome the return of the stress. I do get tired incredibly quickly. Tomorrow I think I will spend most of the day at home, maybe with my laptop on my lap.

Milestones

It just occurred to me that I am exactly one-third of the way to my final weight loss goal. Wow! So I've lost around 33% of my excess body weight, or 17% of my total starting weight. That is pretty amazing. And I feel like I'm just getting started! My next milestone will be dropping just one more pound to 255, because that marks the highest weight I ever say before having kids. For a long time it was my high point. And I'm just one pound away from it. After that I look forward to getting under 250, and under 230 because that was a plateau my body always liked to sit at. And then hopefully I'll get below 200 and into ONE-DERLAND by my birthday. I would love to welcome 38 years old with a healthier me!

Worn out

Today we took the family to Da Vinci Days and it really wore me out. I've noticed on other days that if I take a trip to the grocery store, it makes me pretty tired. Today was worse. It wasn't that we walked that much really...it was just a lot of everything. So I crashed out for another afternoon nap today. It was nice to be out and among happy, normal people though. I guess I have another month or two of tiring quickly ahead of me. Next week will be interesting because I'm headed back to work, and I've been warned that an 8-hour day will be really exhausting for a while. I'm planning to ease into it...maybe 4-5 hours in the office, and then a few hours from home. Oh, and one other exciting thing about today - I got to wear some pants that haven't fit in a while.  :)

Food is still going well. I've had chicken mixed with salsa and cheese, and it was divine. Today I finally got to eat those sweet potatoes I missed out on the other day too. Tomorrow I think we'll try some eggs.  Incisions are doing well and the soreness is improving. Now I can relax with Emmett if he is gentle.

I can eat food!!!

OMG...solid food after nearly 3 weeks of liquids is just heavenly! Yum! So yesterday I had my follow-up with the surgeon and she released me to try solid foods (starting with soft foods first). So on the way home from the appointment I bought some cottage cheese and made myself a snack. It went down wonderfully...no troubles at all. Apparently some people have issues with transitioning to solid foods, and some surgeons don't let their patients transition until a month or six weeks. But it was fine for me. Whew! So for dinner I made some baked tilapia, and again, it was amazing. I have to chew everything to a thin liquid before swallowing, but I had no problems. However, after 2 ounces of fish I was suddenly VERY full! I'd been warned that would happen...the solid proteins really fill you up and stick with you for a while. Over the next hour I did finish another 1/2-ounce of fish, but I was never able to touch the mashed sweet potato I made. Now that I'm on solids, I can really SEE how this restriction will work.

The rest of my appointment was fine. The surgeon removed the steri-strips so I got a look at my incisions for the first time. This is the largest one with my pinky again:

She said the incisions looked great and I can even start swimming again in another week! Usually you have to wait till you are a month out. Ava will be really happy - her birthday party is at the pool next weekend. Walking is still going great. Now I can hike too, but I have to wait until I'm 6 weeks out to start lifting weight. The surgeon was really happy with my weight loss and how I'm feeling. Basically, everything is great! I go back again at 3 months post op. Until then, I will love feeling this new steadily healthier me.

Hungry!

I didn't expect to feel hungry this early, but I do a little bit. Of course I feel head hunger - the stuff that is all in your mind. But I'm also feeling some physical hunger. Some people with this surgery don't feel hungry again for months. But here I am...I was feeling it within a few days. I guess it isn't too weird to think I might be hungry since I'm only getting about 650 calories a day. The big difference I feel is that the hunger is nothing like I had before...it is like mini-hunger. And to satisfy that hunger I just need a 1/4 cup of food or so. It is amazing.

I hit a nice milestone today - I'm now 50 pounds down from when I started this journey. I feel lighter and slimmer and healthier. I know I still have a long way to go, but damn...it feels good to shed 50 pounds! Since surgery 12 days ago I've lost 8 pounds, which is a bit slower than I'd hoped. I hear from other post-op folks that they are losing 12 to even 20 pounds in the first two weeks. So I'm a little bummed it isn't going that fast, but I did lose more than most (14 lbs) in my pre-op diet week, so that might be part of why I'm losing more slowly now. But geez...listen to me...I've lost 8 pounds in 12 days! That is still pretty good.

Today I had a check-up with my primary care physician. Everything looked good. In a few months we'll check my sugar and cholesterol levels again. For now she is excited for me and this new life. Tomorrow I have my post-op check-up with the surgeon. I'm excited to see her again and share how my experience has unrolled.

Birthday cake

Okay, I admit...this is an odd thing for me to be making just a week after bariatric surgery. But surgery happened when it happened and birthdays just keep happening. Today was Emmett's 2nd birthday party (tomorrow is the actual day) and everything went well. I think I put together a pretty sweet cake and I managed to do it all without eating it...though maybe I did lick my fingers.

It was hard to cut slices for everyone except myself. I admit I desperately wanted some cake. Someday I'll be able to have some...a very small piece maybe. But certainly not now. My liquid diet is still going pretty well. I'm getting tired of protein shakes a bit, but I'm dealing. These last few days we've been preparing chicken breast of various types for dinner for everyone else, so I just stick a few pieces in a food processor and blend the shit out of it with some juice. Yeah, the consistency isn't chicken, but it still tastes pretty good.

I'm also doing well on walking...I'm aiming for 2.5-3 miles per day and these last few days I've managed to do it. I still seem to need a nap every day though. My incisions are still pretty good. Only the one big incision is still sore at all, and it is quite mild now. I look forward to going back to see the surgeon for my post-op appointment. I look forward to moving onto real food after that. 

This is like riding a roller coaster

This morning I feel pretty good. I'm weak and light-headed, even to the point of being dizzy sometimes. But I feel pretty good. My bruising is greatly improved and I can move without pain in most cases. And I'm not taking narcotics anymore. Yesterday was a very tough day. I was dizzy and weak, plus I had a slight fever and just felt soooo exhausted. I took a nap and woke up 3 hours later! I could have just kept right on sleeping too. I hear this roller coaster is normal. My body seems to have gotten the hint about the lack of calories, and now it is struggling. These last few days I've managed to get 500-600 calories in. While in the hospital I was lucky to get 50 calories, and on surgery day it was zero. For two days before surgery it was around 100-200 calories, and for five days before that it was 750-850. So I'm almost two weeks into a very severe calorie restriction. As of this morning I've lost 19 pounds in that two weeks, so it is certainly working!

I've been taking 3 or 4 walks a day since coming home. It feels really wonderful to walk - I always want to go further (I only do a local 12-minute loop right now) but am waiting based on recommendations from others who have been through this before. I've found some people online and one from my surgeon's office who had or will be having surgery in July. It is great to connect with people who are going through this at the same time. My clothes all feel looser, though I wouldn't quite say anything is too big yet. I'm nearing the 50-lb mark since I started this journey. That will be a proud day.

Where did my stomach go?

I've had a bunch of people ask me what they did with my stomach. See that incision under the steri-strips in the picture? 85% of my stomach came out of that hole. That is my pinky finger in the picture for comparison. With this procedure (VSG), most of my stomach is removed. A variation of this surgery is used for stomach cancer patients, and it has been part of the duodenal switch surgery (another weightloss surgery option) for decades. Here is a nice picture of it that I found on the web:

Since the procedure was done laparoscopically, I don't have any large incisions. That one in the picture is the biggest one I have. It is the sorest and the most bruised too since it needed to be large enough to remove the stomach. There was an extra stitch put deep in my muscles at that spot in order to close the muscles back up after they were separated to get out of the way. In total I have 6 incisions - 5 from the surgical instruments, and 1 from a post-op drain. One of the 5 surgical incisions is up high, right under my sternum. During the procedure, they also repaired a hiatal hernia (apparently really common) and that incision site needed to be up high for that. The others are across my middle abdomen, about halfway between my belly button and the bottom of my ribs. Most of the incisions are only slightly sore (or maybe it is those pain meds helping). But make no mistake - I had major abdominal surgery and my muscles were really jerked around. Every time I sit up I'm reminded of that.

Today has been pretty good so far. I'm definitely going to make my water and protein goals (64 oz, 60 grams respectively). Looks like I'll end the day with around 500-600 calories down, which is pretty good for 3 days post-op! I don't feel hungry at all. In fact, most of the time I just feel indifferent. I could not eat all day. The protein shakes have been good today. This evening I'll try some cream of chicken soup (strained of the chicken chunks). I might try a bite of ricotta cheese too. Overall, I'm doing well. Now I think I'll go take a nap...

Headed home!

Yeah!!!  Just sitting around waiting for my ride. All my labs looked excellent. My drain was pulled (funkiest sensation ever) and looks good. I've got 4 prescriptions to fill but shouldn't need anything until this evening. I'm ready to blow this joint!

7 Surgical

I'm on the 7th floor of the hospital, which is where they send post-op surgery patients of all types. There are 2 other bariatric patients here somewhere on the floor. There are some trauma patients. There is 1 cosmetic surgery patient. There are lots of folks here. The floor is at capacity. Overall I think I'm one of the youngest here. The other half of this floor is for oncology. I see people that appear to have been here for a pretty long time. There are some that I look at and wonder if they will ever leave this floor. It is a little bit of an odd feeling to walk through that part of the floor (I'm doing floor laps...it helps with my recovery). Overall though all the staff have been really helpful.

My recovery is going well. I lost my catheter yesterday and I lost my IV this morning. I still have a drain in, but that should be removed today. Two days ago I could barely stumble 5 feet with people helping me. Now I do complete floor laps (10 min?) by myself. My belly is fairly sore and I'm still gladly accepting my pain meds (Lorcet). The nurse last night said I had a wee bit of constriction in my upper respiratory area, so I've been working hard on my inspirator to ensure I don't end up with pneumonia. I am now experiencing the dreaded gas pain episode, which happens to all bariatric patients. The surgeons inflate your abdomen with gas so they can work safely during the surgery, and while they try to get it all out when they are done, they can never get everything. So I'm feeling pretty bloated and uncomfortable. Gas drops (the same stuff you give to babies) really help. Walking the floor helps too. My mind seems to be mostly back. That anesthesia really made me feel loopy for a long time, but I think I've finally shaken the last side effects from that. 

Food-wise, I'm now on clear fluids. I started this stage yesterday and will continue it today. My breakfast included decaffeinated herbal tea and sugar-free jello. For lunch I'll get the same plus some broth. It doesn't really matter - I'm not at all hungry. The biggest focus now is staying hydrated, especially since my IV was removed a little early. Once I'm home I move to full liquids, so I'll be able to have protein shakes, pudding, applesauce, even cream of wheat. But the biggest focus will still be hydration. If I don't stay hydrated, I come back to the hospital. It may not sound too hard to stay hydrated, but when you can barely sip an ounce every 15 minutes...it can be a challenge to get enough. My tummy is itty-bitty now, and it must be respected or I will pay the price. 

Bells and whistles

Here I am a day after surgery and I seem to have a knack for setting off the equipment alarms. With all these monitors attached to me, there is plenty of opportunity to get some sort of bell or whistle going off. Overall things are going well. It is late afternoon right now and I feel considerably better than I did this morning, which is leaps and bounds better than I felt yesterday.  I'm eating jello and drinking diluted apple juice. I've managed to use the bathroom on my own. Keith and I just took a stroll of the entire hospital floor. My incision sites are a bit sore, but it isn't too bad. I can feel that my abdominal muscles got mucked with and that is a bit achey. I'm still a bit wobbly, though now that I'm off the IV pain meds and onto the oral meds, that has improved. Yep, I can feel myself waking up here. It is still hard to imagine that I will be going home tomorrow though. I have these occasional thoughts that I can't believe I actually did it...I really had the surgery. But then I feel relief because it isn't a choice anymore. It is done.  Whew....it is done.

To the hospital!

It is 4 am and I'm riding in the car on the way in. Weight on the morning of surgery - 267 lbs. I did one more antiseptic scrub, removed all my piercings and rings, and put my slippers on. Unbelievably, the sky is just starting to lighten on the horizon...which is probably good because some fools are still setting off fireworks so maybe they will stop soon. I keep having the morbid thoughts like "I hope this isn't my last sunrise" and "I hope I live to come home and see the kids again."  I'm a member of some online VSG communities that have been extremely helpful with nerves and expectations. They are pretty awesome. Obesityhelp.com and verticalsleevetalk.com if anyone wants to check them out. There are a lot of good resources on there.

I feel at peace with everything right now. I'm hungry and thirsty (no fluids after midnight!) and tired. As soon as we arrive at the hospital I'll be completely taken care of. I can't believe it will all be over in just a few hours. Well, I hope I live to make another post (there's that morbidity again). Take care folks. Love you!

Pleasing cherry flavor my ass

Pleasing cherry flavor? Hello no! This is a bottle of the bowel prep gunk I just had to down. I did a bottle yesterday as well. They actually call it "pleasing" cherry flavor. Ewww! It has done its job though. Today is the 4th of July, and it less than 12 hours I will be in the hospital going through preparation for surgery. For the last 7 days I've been on the pre-op diet, with today and yesterday being clear fluids only. I'm only mildly hungry anymore. I can't believe the hunger passed the way it did. I'm only getting a hundred or so calories today, and don't get me wrong - I definitely want more, but it isn't like I'm starving.

I'm in a weird place mentally. I'm ready for tomorrow to be here. I think it will be a bit of an adventure. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my family, should something go wrong. I largely just ignore the risks in my mind, because I know there is nothing I can do. I've lost more than twice the weight I was required to do, I'm scrubbing my abdomen with the antiseptic, I'm following the pre-op diet exactly...I've done all I can to lower my risks. I truly think things will be fine. But there is always that if in my mind...

I've started packing my hospital bag. Tomorrow morning we have to leave the house at 3:45 AM in order to make it to the hospital by 5. Surgery is scheduled for 7:15. By 9 it should be over, and by 10 or so I'll be awake again. It happens so fast. That seems odd after these months of preparation.

My biggest sensation right now is excitement for the future. I know this choice is right for me and it will help me attain a healthier self that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I can't wait to run a marathon some day!  I look forward to no longer being discriminated against because of my size, though the memories of that will never go away and I think I will always harbor distrust of those people who behaved that way to me. I look forward to shopping in a regular store in the regular clothing section. I look forward to new clothes! I look forward to traveling and hiking and more hiking and playing with the kids. I look forward to being comfortable as I move, sit, stand, walk, run.  I look forward to continuing to hunt for healthier me, but after tomorrow, I'll have a little extra help.