Pleasing cherry flavor my ass

Pleasing cherry flavor? Hello no! This is a bottle of the bowel prep gunk I just had to down. I did a bottle yesterday as well. They actually call it "pleasing" cherry flavor. Ewww! It has done its job though. Today is the 4th of July, and it less than 12 hours I will be in the hospital going through preparation for surgery. For the last 7 days I've been on the pre-op diet, with today and yesterday being clear fluids only. I'm only mildly hungry anymore. I can't believe the hunger passed the way it did. I'm only getting a hundred or so calories today, and don't get me wrong - I definitely want more, but it isn't like I'm starving.

I'm in a weird place mentally. I'm ready for tomorrow to be here. I think it will be a bit of an adventure. I'm not ready to say goodbye to my family, should something go wrong. I largely just ignore the risks in my mind, because I know there is nothing I can do. I've lost more than twice the weight I was required to do, I'm scrubbing my abdomen with the antiseptic, I'm following the pre-op diet exactly...I've done all I can to lower my risks. I truly think things will be fine. But there is always that if in my mind...

I've started packing my hospital bag. Tomorrow morning we have to leave the house at 3:45 AM in order to make it to the hospital by 5. Surgery is scheduled for 7:15. By 9 it should be over, and by 10 or so I'll be awake again. It happens so fast. That seems odd after these months of preparation.

My biggest sensation right now is excitement for the future. I know this choice is right for me and it will help me attain a healthier self that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I can't wait to run a marathon some day!  I look forward to no longer being discriminated against because of my size, though the memories of that will never go away and I think I will always harbor distrust of those people who behaved that way to me. I look forward to shopping in a regular store in the regular clothing section. I look forward to new clothes! I look forward to traveling and hiking and more hiking and playing with the kids. I look forward to being comfortable as I move, sit, stand, walk, run.  I look forward to continuing to hunt for healthier me, but after tomorrow, I'll have a little extra help.